Addicted

Facebook: May 10, 2007

Knowing better than this, stubbornly my body molded in with his. The release was long awaited. I felt the adrenalin rush in my veins, the notion of emotion. Whispers in the silent darkness, soft kisses prodded my body to let in the night. The warm touch that my heart had screamed for was silencing my angst, slow and strong. Silencing my sighs, he covered my mouth and I whimpered. I reached for this elation and pulled it close, I hoped it would never let go. My senses and conscience lost control and my head went lighter and I felt like I was floating.

The last I remember was reaching high. Closing my eyes I felt that familiar euphoria creep into my consciousness. I passed the clouds and was aware of this unfamiliar proverbial paradise. My insides relaxed and tensed at the same time. Ahh.. the rush, the release! I felt happy and comfortable. My rapture slowed down and gradually came to a stop. I remember looking around wondering where I was. A queasy sensation stirred in my stomach.

I sensed what was coming next but wasn't exactly sure. I've done this a few times before, but every time I'd reached this level I never could remember what happened next. Suddenly my stomach lurched and I felt my soul come crashing down to the ground. I tried to stop myself, but couldn't do anything. I held out my hand to hold on to something… anything.

I clutched onto free air.

Tears flow freely from my eyes, and I silently promise myself a promise I knew I never will keep. "I will never love again". I look around trying to see through the twilight that surrounds me. Once more… nothing. Where is that heaven? The elation has disappeared. I slowly dare to feel again, but the open wounds are sore. Where was the warmth that had silenced me? As I heal, I feel new strength consume me. My soul is weak and it hurts badly. I lie back on the cold hard floor and wish all the pain away. Wasn't this the reason I had let myself fall? It had only helped me for what seemed like an instant but then everything returned to what it is. Still why can't I live without it?

I know the answer. I am addicted - addicted to this thing called 'Love'.